I would wager that a lack of trust in a small group will lead to a lack of a small group within weeks. A small group may be the only place a person has throughout the week where they do not have to live up to others’ expectations of them, and can truly be themselves. How do we foster an environment of trust where everyone feels the freedom to be vulnerable about where they are in their spiritual journey? Many of us have probably heard more than once things we can do to foster trust: group confidentiality, sharing stories, ice breakers, sharing a meal, etc. These are all great, but after reading The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction by Adam McHugh, I am wondering if modeling a posture of listening might be the most effective way to build trust.
Sadly, our culture, including the church, rarely listens well. If I am not careful, I can believe the subtle lie that the people I lead are always looking for sage advice and love for me to pontificate. After all it is a lot easier to tell people what to do, than to listen and allow them to bring their mess and junk into my life.
The Most Effective Way to Build Trust in Your Small Group
When we truly listen to another, we create a space for them to fully enter into the complexities of life and allow the other to truly be herself. As Adam writes, “Good listening is always open to surprise. Listening takes seriously that other people are truly ‘other,’ that human beings are mysteries wrapped in flesh, infinitely surprising, and that no matter how long you’ve known a person you actually have little access to the deep things inside them” (The Listening Life, 149).
